Nu har jag precis varit på Martina Haags föreläsning, som var helt fantastiskt rolig. Jag skrattade så jag grät. Och när jag satt där och lyssnade så kom jag på min gamla bokidé som jag hade för flera år sedan – ”Ångestboken” eller kanske ”Jag är alltid värst”.
Dasha, min kära vän, brukar ringa mig varje söndag och med panik i rösten och så säger hon:
”Snälla, snälla Petra – berätta något pinsamt du gjort i helgen” och så slänger jag ur mig någon härlig historia hur jag väckt en stackars småbarnspappa mitt i natten för jag stått och vrålat utanför en killes fönster, eftersom min mobil dött 04.05 en lördagsnatt och hur han till slut kommer ut från porten med rödsprängda ögon och sömndrunkna ögon och utbrister trött med darrande ton på väg mot ett sammanbrott:
”Jag har inte sovit på 3 nätter, min tjej är bortrest med jobbet och vår nyfödda son har ÄNTLIGEN somnat, så kan du snälla sluta vråla Sebastian utanför mitt fönster”
Och där står jag för berusad för att veta in eller ut så jag börjar ljuga, för det gör man ju en sådan situation och hör mig själv säga:
”Förlåt, min pojkvän heter Sebastian och han har precis flyttat hit från Stockholm och jag är utelåst och ska sova hos honom”.
Men sanningen var väl kanske snarare att jag var fyllekåt och tänkte åka hem till ett ragg som jag aldrig tidigare hade varit hos, ett sånt kallat ”Buddy Call”. Och inte hade jag någon aning om att han bodde på nummer 37 och inte nummer 33, det är ju inte så lätt att minnas vad man sms om hela kvällen efter 15 shots. Men det kan jag ju inte säga – då skulle jag låta som en desperat kåt singel som måste väcka stackars småbarnspappor för att få en kyss. Nej, det gick bara inte.
Småbarnspappan kollar med medlidande ögon och bjuder in mig till sin lägenhet där han plockar fram sin bärbara dator för att jag ska kunna hitta min ”pojkväns” nummer på hitta.se – efter att jag sluddrat ur mig något:
”Asså han har precis bytt mobilnummer, typ igår”.
Sen blir jag helt ställd! Pappan frågar vad han heter i efternamn och det slår slint, det är helt svart – JAG MINNS INTE. Men gud! Och han tittar förunderligt på mig och jag kollar bort och låtsas inte höra att han frågat. Hur fan ska jag ta mig ur det här? Så jag börjar ursäkta mig och backar försiktigt ut från hans lägenhet och springer mot porten och ser precis en taxi åka förbi och slänger mig ut och hoppar in i den.
Sen har jag tänkt att jag ska åka tillbaka och ge den stackars pappan en blomma eller något för det hastiga avslutet och berätta hela historien, för det hade ju gett honom ett gott skratt. Men det har inte kommit för mig än.
Då svarar Dasha alltid:
”Gud, vad skönt nu känns min ångest helt plötsligt obefintlig – tack Petra och så lägger hon på”.
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EN BOK TACK !! hur kan man inte älska dig Petra ?!
ÄLSKAR DETTA! Kommer ihåg när du berättade om killen du hade crush på som du sprang på i skogen och du gömde dig bakom en sten och sen gjorde du en fin paintbild på det hela haha ;)
Konstigt att en nyfödd bebis mamma är bortrest med jobbet.
Hahahah :D
[…] Här är en sån historia. […]
Du måste vara den kvinna med störts självdistans i hela sverige. Du är så jävla cool att jag blir helt paff. Go girl!
Haha, du är väl för härlig!
Tack snälla, fina Petra för att du gjort min dag lite ljusare. Har verkligen haft en skitdag, men så läser jag det här och kan inte hålla mig för skratt. Puss och kram!
hahahaha asså jag ber dig skriv den!! snälla snälla fina petra, den skulle typ rädda mitt liv!
nu känns min ångest också lite mildare ;) mer sånt här :D
HAHAHAHAHA PETRA, DÖR! MADE MY DAY!
Hahaha!!
haha! skriv boken – nu!
Hahaha. Det heter ju booty-call, Petra! Booty, inte Buddy. Kul historia i övrigt också! ;)
Haha! Jag skulle köpa två böcker om den fanns!!
Hahaha, magiskt!
Hahahaha du är fantastisk Petra#killingmesoftly
HAHAHA fucking underbart!! Posta dina berättelser här på bloggen varje vecka! :-D
känns lite som att the botten is nådd skulle kunna vara ett ledmotiv till denna bloggpost.. haha!
hahahaha SÅ jävla skön. känner igen mig så jävla hårt.
HAHA ja dööör! Har gråtit halva kvällen men du gjorde mig fan glad igen pga din historia!
hahahahahahahaha :D
HAHAHA, jag bara älskar dig!!!